Yo, so I just wanted to post an update about just... Me, I guess? For anyone who even cares considering I've mostly just kept to myself for the better part of this year so far and even before that. I'm fine, health wise at least. Yes, I got a job. The pay is bad but it's whatever, I'm using this as an excuse to buy stuff I typically couldn't afford working as a bar tender in a shitty little cafe so now I have stuff like a ps2, ps3, gamecube along side a bunch of cd's, comic books and video games. Down side is it's a total motivation killer. After I come back from work I feel like killing myself, figuratively speaking, every time and now that I started going to driving school all my motivation is down the shitter. Most I draw is during class and it's nothing more than little doodles during breaks and if we're learning about dumb shit everyone knows like where can you park or not or, despite how tempting it might be, you shouldn't run people over. The job is very mentally draining. On my legs all days making small walks from one side of the room to the other putting paper and t shirts together and having them pressed together under a 200 degree C press for 8 hours and then going to class for 3 hours. Brain numbing doesn't begin to describe how much this shit sucks, I feel like my brain is melting there every day and the steam hitting my eyes is gonna make them pop the fuck out eventually. Needless to say I'm here just for the experience, the money and nothing else. But I feel like I'm losing myself creatively. I don't draw a whole lot anymore if at all. I can count on my fingers how many times I've drawn total. That's scary to me. As someone who drew all the time before to now have nothing to show for the past couple of months, at least nothing worth while, is scary to me. And I fucking hate it.

On a different note I also haven't posted a lot of my work on here as of late if I do make anything. I tend to just make something digital and just not post it anywhere for no real reason and I don't really know why. Especially not here. To keep it short it's really fucking demoralizing seeing 500 something people follow me and then all my artwork would have maybe 15 people I know leaving a 5 star and maybe a favorite with no comment. I love hearing what people think about my stuff cause it puts things into perspective for me and gives me a goal of what to improve on and get better at. I get nothing anymore. And it kills me. I mostly use sheezy.art now. Part of it is because I am a helper for the site, I'm on the team, but also because people are just a bit more... chatty on there. I get nothing on here and it really bums me out. Also instagram cause of irl friends despite me hating meta and the ai trash theyre pushing onto users and the data they steal and sell to advertisers. Fuck em.

Sorry if I'm being super blunt while writing this. Even though this is going on the front page I know few will actually read it anyway, my stuff never really gets seen unless it's something someone else made and I just so happen to feature in it. idfk anymore man. I just feel like shit. Sorry for the ramble, I just need something to put on my profile so I stop getting reactions to me literally e begging. I hate doing that kinda shit and I hate when I get attention for it.

I don't know how to end this thing anymore, this has just turned into an insane ramble now. If you wanna ask me shit go for it, I'll probs respond. I think I'll post something later but don't count on it. Meanwhile, I'm outta here. I'll go back to playing ratchet and clank again or something.